Wednesday, August 12, 2009
So here's my first new rule from the Worldcon:
No more Utilikilts.
This is strikingly similar to my first observation from last year's Worldcon, but it's obvious that people weren't listening last year.
Please note that I am not opposed to Scottish dress. When a Scot puts on a kilt he is stylin'. Just check this picture. The outfit is not just about the kilt. It's also about the velvet jacket with the silver buttons, it's about the ruffled shirt, it's about the weskit, it's about long stockings, it's about the garters, it's about the unusual footwear. It's about tassels and sprigs of greenery and the glass of champagne. It's about elegance.
If you're going to put on an unusual item of clothing--- and trust me, I have some experience in this department--- it should be part of an ensemble, the whole of which is to make you look like a iconoclastic man of fashion, not a total mope. If you decide to wear a kilt, it should not be worn with that tatty Firefly tee that you thought was cool back when you were 15. Especially if there are now rolls of fat hanging out between the bottom of the tee and the top of the kilt.
The legs of most men are not suitable to be shown to the public. (Mine are probably different from yours. Mine are legs of majesty sculpted by countless hours of exercise and bronzed by the sun. Yours probably aren't.)
((It should be admitted in all fairness that not all my parts are quite so well-proportioned, or so suitable to be viewed by the average passer-by. And those I put clothing on.))
If your legs aren't like mine, you should wear something between the lower hem of the kilt and the cheap plastic flip-flops, something to disguise the fact that your legs are thin and pale and hairy or fat and pale and hairy. Those long stockings that Scots wear are there for a reason.
And the flip-flops? These are for the beach, or the shower. Nowhere else, savvy?
Not everyone has it in them to become stylish fashion plates. But we should at least make an effort not to make hideous mistakes that offend the eye and cause the sensitive among us to faint dead away.
That's all I'm sayin'.