Turtle Parts

So I was washing my hair this morning, and I was using this small sample bottle that we'd been given by somebody or other, and the bottle says on it, "Green Tea and Willow."

Green tea and willow. In shampoo.

Does anyone out there have any idea how these items are supposed to make my hair cleaner or fluffier or whatever?

Green tea has antioxidants, I know. Does that mean that my hair won't get cancer?

And willow is what they make aspirin out of. So now my hair won't get joint pains or headaches.

Does anyone know why the cosmetics industry puts this stuff in our stuff? Any idea at all?

This reminds me of an incident early in my marriage. I walked into the bathroom and there was Kathy without any clothes on. Which is usually a welcome sight.

"Get out of here!" she yelled. "I'm anointing my body with dead turtle parts!"

I left rather quickly, as I'm sure would any of you. I was very new to this marriage thing and had no idea to that point that my spouse was deranged.

Kathy explained later that she was moisturizing, or whatever, with an Olay substance, which has some kind of turtle product in it. Apparently "Olay" is French for "dessicated turtle organs."

Why do dead turtle parts make your skin smooth? Does anyone know?

And even if it's true, who was the person who thought of the idea and decided to test it? I mean, it's a totally deranged notion, but someone had to think of it and then follow through, right?

Do answers exist to any of these questions?