Death By Stuffing
Pah! Not if you have Thanksgiving at our house! Not if you are served Uncle Walter's Bacon and Sausage Stuffing!*
Start by cutting up a POUND OF BACON into strips. Cook the bacon in the bottom of a large stock pot until it renders up its fat. Then throw a POUND OF SAUSAGE MEAT into the pot, and cook it until it renders up its fat.
Then throw in THREE CHOPPED ONIONS and HALF A DOZEN CHOPPED GARLIC CLOVES. Cook until the vegetables grow all wilty.
Add ONE WHOLE STICK OF BUTTER.
When the butter melts, add A POUND OR SO OF BREAD CRUMBS, HALF A DOZEN CHOPPED, HARD-BOILED EGGS, ONE CUP CHOPPED PARSLEY, TWO TEASPOONS RUBBED SAGE, SALT & PEPPER, and the CHOPPED GIBLETS, assuming you're not doing anything else with them.
Cook until the bread crumbs no longer crunch when you bite them.
(And, come to think of it, when you have this, why do you need a turkey exactly?)
This may send you into the hospital for your second bypass, but you'll be smiling as you go.
*Which, it must be admitted, is mostly Craig Claiborne's sausage stuffing recipe, with some minor changes.