I had some money left on a Williams Sonoma gift card, so I betook myself to that highly expensive foodie boutique, and purchased what I can only describe as an Avian Rectal Rectifier, pictured above.
This gadget doesn't mess around! It's stainless steel, it's got a kind of purposeful surgical quality to its manufacture, and once you've got the perforated Rectifying Probe jammed up the fowl's bottom, it's going to jolly well stay there through thick or thin!
So I gave the Rectifier a tryout the other day, and the results were splendid. The internal basting kept the chicken moist and tender even as the outside was turned brown and crispy. The lower photo shows the chicken about halfway through the process.
The reservoir doesn't have to be filled with beer, of course. (I used white wine.) So now I'm thinking about experimenting with other liquids, just to see what it would taste like. Brandy! Bourbon! Raspberry soda!
Any suggestions for what I should blow up my chicken's butt?